when thoughts whirl and swirl in your head, sometimes you just need to stop talking, walking, stop moving, stop.. thinking, to let the thoughts settle. the whirling and swirling of thoughts makes you woozy as you try to keep your head steady and continue doing what you're doing.
this occurs when a particular bit of news is dropped onto you which leaves a certain impact on you. and you try hard to dig deep for an adequate response, a suitable way of replying.. but come up short. the whirling and swirling is too much to take.
i got such a particular bit of news today when i was out with amanda. it left me reeling literally. i had to walk off and lean my head for awhile to let it settle in. no, she didnt break up with me. she loves me ok. (i think?) rawr. =X it's just.. something private that i dont' wanna post up here, but it did leave me reeling.
now, 4-5 hours after that bombshell, the whirls and swirls have settled down to a muck. all is not clear, so i cannot be at ease. but the wooziness is gone. and.. i can't say i fully accept the piece of news yet though i did tell her i accepted it. i can, just that.. it'll take awhile to .. settle in. though i really hope it can be reversed. sigh.
a particular song i like is 'Rescue' by Newsong. a line i have repeated countless number of times in army:
So won't You give me strength
to make it through somehow
(i've never been more homesick than now)
(the line in brackets isn't relevant to this entry but i do repeat it in army)
cryptic eh? aint that always the case :)
on a happier note, lemme quote a paragraph from her blog that made me smile:
"the next one's even better. alan's in army, and going off for field camp, so i wasn't expecting anything at all. but he already had it all planned out. he actually sent timo to deliver a vday package to me at the bank. =) that really made my day! yup!"
yknow when you do something nice or sweet for somebody, the least you expect (or what you want) is for the person to appreciate it and like it. and i made her day with it =) wheeee. :D
i guess the dream i wrote about will not be realised. :/
